This is a collection of posts that was originally made at the Reiki Cafe and it is also included in my Reiki 2 manual.
By Rob Spiller
The view about taking responsibility for the healing of self, is I think an important one, and one that unfortunately we as compassionate and caring people can very much miss, in our desire to help someone else.
We can't, nor should we desire to feel someone’s pain, (That may not be worded very well) But should help others to see what is causing their pain. I was lucky, I had the right people by me, who helped me see that and helped me to take the responsibility, thus empowering me. They also pulled me up when I didn't want to hear what they were telling me and helped me back on the track, without judgment
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Because we don't fall over ourselves, in being seen doing something, or responding to something, doesn’t mean that we don't care.
I at times wonder, if those that say "look at all the bad things happening" actually just feel better after saying that and do nothing else, or if they actually get out there and do something tangible.
Having worked in a big city for 7 years, I have seen the people who live on the streets. At first it upset me that they were there, not because it offended me, but because it seemed unfair.
At this time of the year (Christmas), shelters opened, so they could get inside for a while and they were fed, and then come the New Year, they were back out on the streets.
I realized that these people were there because of the circumstances that befell them, I also realized that I could not be responsible for them, There are ways of getting away from the life that they live, but it is their choice to take the route out, Nothing I could do, other than treat them as fellow travellers would help. Most of them had been robbed of their dignity, because of drugs, drink or whatever. It was not my choice to put them there.
I also saw in this time, the ones that were making an effort to get away from the life and to regain their dignity. These are the ones who are most appreciative of the help and the ones that when they are out of the lifestyle, will help others do the same.
What I have said here, may make me look uncaring.
I am not.
But like all healers, I know that the person receiving must ask for and want the healing.
Sending reiki (Un asked for) is not a solution.
Compassion overload is also not the answer.
To much of it directed at someone will only reinforce the situation and not help them.
Trying to understanding them and not letting them steal your energy (which some will try and do).
Cancer is a dis- ease that touches many of us in this modern day life, wherever we suffer from it ourselves or have a loved one or friend who has (Had) it.
It is said that all illness has a cause in the emotional state, that with all the toxins being put into (Either by us knowingly or by other means) our bodies.
It is also said that unresolved anger can cause cancer.
Both eat away at you.
Wherever that is totally true, I do not know, but it does seem to fit.
We cannot heal others, unless they desire to be healed, but should we try?. Would we just be perhaps reinforcing any negatitivity that they feel for themselves, when the desire to be healed is not with them, or perhaps after they have heard, what they consider to be a death sentence passed on them. I can imagine the anguish felt. My little brush with this negativity, thankfully had a positive outcome. I had a bad hernia, that needed an immediate operation to repair it. The doctors were reluctant to operate, because of my weight; they gave me no more than a 5% chance of surviving the op. So when the hernia strangulated 5 weeks later and they told me that they were operating.I did not expect to survive. Ok so I only had this "I'm gonna die" feeling for a few hours,people with cancer, very often have this "I'm gonna die " feeling everyday for a long time. This must sap the very life force out of many.
An inspirational story about how one woman beat cancer, without surgery, but by the belief in her own healing powers, with the help of some alternatives healer, can be found in Brandon Bays "The Journey".
Ok it won't work for everyone. The level of faith must be very, very high.
When I first started to hear the "Take responsibility for your own illness" "mantra" being said. I found it very hard to accept it. I thought it was hard and uncaring, showing no compassion. Now, understanding it a lot better. It still seems harsh but also the only way it can be.
Some people with an illness/disability will use that illness etc to gain sympathy. Look at that for what it is. They feel ill/are different, so they want others to feel their pain (this can take many forms, but at the end of the day it is all energy stealing) others will bear their Illness/ disability with what we (could/would) call courage and fight it. Do they want to be called courageous. In my experience, no. They want to be accepted as an equal and live their lives as everyone else does.
But too often, that process is halted immediately, as judgement and blame step in -- from self, and others. People get stuck thinking they've got themselves into a mess and it's all their "fault" when what's trying to be communicated, is that it's actually not fault but responsibility.
Such a notion of full, informed self-responsibility is a shock to some who have led 'average' lives -- new complex and spiritual notions and reasons why they are ill, may be difficult to assimilate -- but sometimes a Gordian knot needs only a clean cut of a sword to "untie" it -- faith and acceptance of responsibility can cut across all intellectual and cultural complications.
In the West our society and medical/health systems do little to empower the individual, and by that I mean to educate the individual that s/he has innate power to choose, overcome, and self-heal. So many place their trust in what they eat, how they live/work, and believe, in the hands of others -- giving over the authority for their lives to others -- there is much dependence, and any kind of death sentence ("you have cancer" "you will never be the same again") from an authority figure can indeed be the killing blow, rather than the disease itself.
I also struggled for a long time with the notion of ascribing responsibility for illness to the individual -- but again, I say the problem is the way this gets stuck at the beginning of the notion, if blame and judgement come in. That is the cruelty. That is where there is no compassion. Combined with shock, it can be deadly. Pointing a finger at anybody for any reason and saying -- "it's all your fault, you brought it on yourself" does no good -- offer the person tools for change, and if they can, they will accept. I've also struggled with who to help, because my primary response is to be helpful to others -- and I've come to believe the adage about helping those who can _use_ your help, rather than helping those who merely _need_ it. The chronically needy will continue being needy long after draining every helper, because they do not take responsibility for themselves.
"...offer the person tools for change, and if they can, they will accept."
Yes, that's it! Offer them the help. If they choose to take responsibility for their illness it will help. If they choose not to take responsibility, it won't go any further. But the bottom line is you are offering a helping hand, the choice is theirs whether or not they take it.
Meet their goals, defying all medical diagnosis.
A few weeks ago, a beautiful bird began to attack our bedroom window, convinced that a rival male was behind it. What it saw was its own reflection. It attacked all day from dawn to dusk. We felt very sorry for it, and covered the outside of the window with a sheet. It moved to another window. We opened that one out so that the reflection could not be seen. We were chilly! The bird began to attack another window. At that point, I said "Enough! I am done trying to help this bird who does not want to be helped. I am done trying to help this bird whose anger is directed at an illusion!" Sometimes, as empathic, compassionate people, we do have to be careful where we invest our energy. We have to know when to let go. What was my need?
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